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What Are Slingshot Outcomes

Jan 28th, 2012 Leave a comment


Creative Commons License photo credit: seizethedave

 

Goal setting is a central tenet to all forms of therapy. I’ve spent the last few years dipping into all types of therapy and related work including traditional Counselling & Psychotherapy, Occupational Therapy, Support Work/Key Working, Life Coaching and much more specifically in the very recent weeks, Neuro Linguistic Programming.

 

You’ll recognise and realize the powerful benefits of all the above if you have been involved in some or all of it. If you haven’t, then I guess much of it is new to you or you’ve not yet had a eureka moment. Believe me, that is not a problem in itself because I know there is much of it that I haven’t “got” yet. The good new is that everything I don’t yet know is providing me with energy and motivation to discover it!

 

In all honesty, my motivation and enthusiasm does wax and wane at time. I find myself sometimes asking why that happens. What I’ve learned as a result is this key element: -

 

The difference between goals/outcomes that are “away from” compared to those that are “toward”.There is plenty of material written on this subject, particularly with regard to the way the subconscious mind works. i.e. the subconscious mind does not hear the word “don’t.” The popular example demonstrated by “Don’t think of a blue tree”. Sure as eggs are eggs, this immediately presents an image of a blue tree!

 

So, in setting goals, making them toward what we desire rather than away from what we are trying to leave behind makes them far more effective. Here is how I’m attempting to share this with you: -

 

If you think of a catapult or slingshot… the sort that I’m sure you’ll remember as a child, the projectile gets its energy from the elasticity. Now consider the Y shaped handle as the subject of your goal……..

 

An “away from” goal would be making the subject of the goal as the handle. This means that all energy is exerted in moving ourselves (as the projectile) away from…… For instance, if your goal states “I want to get myself our of debt.” Debt is the subject. All energy is focusing upon debt. Eventually, energy in pulling away from it will run out, leaving the elasticity pulling us toward debt.

 

Now, if the goal is toward and essentially specific. “I’m going to make £100,000 personal income in the next 12 months.” The the subject is wealth (specifically £100,000 in this example) or whatever figure you choose to put on it. The energy is spent in action preparing for the eventuality and the elasticity (when let go) pulls us toward and beyond the goal!

 

You’ll notice that I used both words “goals” and “outcomes”. A goal i something that we aim to attain, whereas an outcome suggests that the attainment is inevitable. So, I’m positively suggesting to you to choose powerful language,

 

How do you set your outcomes?

 

What holds you back?

 

What do you focus on?

 

For me personally, I know that I still make the mistake as detailed above from time to time. As a musician, I’ve experienced the goal as a toward in that I’ve overshot what I intended a few years ago by making the right decisions. I just need to apply that to other aspects of my life.

 

Of course, there are many elements to successfully setting outcomes. Here’s a very funny clip from a comedy show that demonstrates how easy it is to get it all wrong!

 

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Marty

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Do your eyes get really tired from reading as mine do?

 

Do you have trouble proof reading your own articles and get frustrated when you have missed a grammatical error in your content?

I’ve found a great way to overcome this. It is simple and very time saving. I recommend using text reading software. I’ve tested a product called Natural Reader. The voice produced on it is very easy on the ear. It is also very inexpensive. It saves so much time and effort stops that temptation to skip content, especially when reading an instructional article. You can just close you eyes and listen if you wish. Here is the link.
Natural Reader.

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What Do You Believe?

Dec 17th, 2011 Leave a comment

kurdistan kurde کوردستان
Creative Commons License photo credit: Kurdistan Photo كوردستان

It’s a loaded question isn’t it. I’m certain that the majority of people reading this already have a pre-conception of the content of this blog, simply because of the common use of the language and what it often refers to. The message I’m sharing with you today is important and you’ll notice how it will stimulate your intellect on the subject by the time you have finished reading, but before I start to move into the main content, I’m going to make you aware of some key points:

 

  1. The word “belief” stimulates a lot of emotion, so it is likely that your emotional reaction is going to be more prominent than a logical reaction.
  2. When it comes to looking at what we believe, we tend to be pretty rigid about our stance. This is because it connects with our values based on our unique life experience. This also has an effect upon our confidence and self esteem.
  3. I’m suggesting that a challenge to what we believe (or don’t believe) puts us outside our comfort zone. Being outside our comfort zone brings on anxiety and a level of fear.

 

The point of this article today is not to change your belief about anything. The fact is that you have a choice in belief and you also have a choice to change that belief if you so wish. The issue is less about belief and more about doubt. The more we doubt something, the more likely it will affect our behaviour.

For instance, when I go to use my car, I have pretty firm faith that it will do what I expect it to do i.e. that it will start and transport me to wherever I need to get to without breaking down. If a car breaks down frequently, despite adjustments and repairs, a person will have less faith in it. The resulting behaviour will be to get rid of the faulty car and buy a new one. Many of us will keep to a certain brand of car as a result of experience that the make is reliable. The point here is less about the actual make of the car and more to do with the people that constructed it. The fact is that many different makes of car actually use the same components. In some cases, cars of different makes are identical apart from the badge. It is interesting that the cost can be very different too. People will pay more for one marque over another based upon what they subconsciously believe with regard to reliability. Some of that is also based on what a person believes other will perceive them to be (personality wise) as projected by the car they drive.

I’ll wager that most of you thought this article would be about religion, simply because of the use of the word “belief”. I could of course use religion as a point of discussion, however, to do so will send the resulting debate in a completely different direction. Emotions will become strong and it is also very likely that quarrels will result. It would not surprise me if there may even be a trading of insults as one persons opinion is expressed with passion and another disagrees. People will stand their ground and will not be moved in their opinion. A typical example of this has occurred on the news in the UK today where the Prime Minister David Cameron made reference to the UK being a Christian country with Christian values (or at least something along those lines). What he said certainly got attention (which I’m sure he intended) but I suspect his point had more to do with referring to the decline in values as demonstrated by the riots that occurred in many cities earlier this year. Now…. I’ve really set light to the blue touch paper by throwing politics in with religion.

 

The message here is not about religion or politics. It is about what we believe about the world around us based on our own unique experience. Now, to really throw the cat amongst the pigeons, I’m going to make a brief reference to science, for which the general opinion is that we can only accept truths based upon evidence. I’ll state that evidence is often a matter of perception. For instance, two people can witness the same event, but see it from a different perspective. Different people will notice different aspects of the event and may even disagree upon what happened. Regardless of opinion, it cannot change what actually happened.

 

Actually, the message here is not even about science in that manner. It is about how our beliefs drive our behaviours. If our beliefs remain rigid, it is likely that our life experience in the future will remain rigid. Essentially, life will become boring and predictable and that how we can get stuck.

 

Here is the actual message from me today.

 

Putting aside the diversionary subjects of politics, religion and science, be prepared to challenge what you believe about the world around you. Be prepared to be challenged what you believe about yourself. Be prepared to be open minded in order to successfully alter your behaviours in a positive manner.

 

The truth is that you have already done that in your life to date, so allowing that to happen more so will increase the motivation of a good and successful life.

Related Articles:

Marty

Do you like what I have written here? You can get my free ebook with 15 affirming articles simply by entering your email address below and clicking “send”. Your email address will NOT be shared with 3rd parties. Thank you for reading

 

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Do your eyes get really tired from reading as mine do?

 

Do you have trouble proof reading your own articles and get frustrated when you have missed a grammatical error in your content?

I’ve found a great way to overcome this. It is simple and very time saving. I recommend using text reading software. I’ve tested a product called Natural Reader. The voice produced on it is very easy on the ear. It is also very inexpensive. It saves so much time and effort stops that temptation to skip content, especially when reading an instructional article. You can just close you eyes and listen if you wish. Here is the link.
Natural Reader.

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How to be Aware of Boundaries

Dec 14th, 2011 Leave a comment

Rorschach of the Almighty
photo credit: ecstaticist

Personal boundaries are a subject referred to fairly often with regard to self awareness. They help us understand a little more about our identity and can help to improve confidence and self esteem.

 

I’ve often heard the word “boundaries” used in relation to them not being breached. i.e. a set of rules and regulations. In the context of personal boundaries, I’m suggesting there is a need to breach boundaries from time to time in order to grow, become wiser and gain a better life experience. Having thought about this more deeply in recent weeks, I’m of the opinion that there are times to consider caution. Broadly, I’m suggesting the breach of personal boundaries can fall into three categories.

 

Neutral personal boundaries.

For instance, we all have a knowledge of what food we like to eat and what we don’t like. There will obviously be foodstuffs we have not tried before. We may have a per-conception of food never tasted and tried before. Some people will decide not to try something new, thereby keeping to their boundary on this issue. Others will choose to take the risk. Another example may be choosing to try a new hobby or deciding to try a new image such as a new hairstyle. All of these involve taking risks. The issue here is not taking per se, it is taking a calculated, low risk.

 

Negative personal boundaries.

In this example, I;m suggesting there is high risk. An example would be to experiment with narcotics. The attraction involves danger and the result is very likely to cause short term pleasure, but long term displeasure. Another example may be to behave in a promiscuous manner i.e. engaging in unprotected sex with various partners, risking sexually transmitted disease. These would be classed as high risk strategies.

 

Positive personal boundaries.

In this circumstance, a person may have a set of beliefs about themselves regarding their abilities. An example may be the belief that they are not worthy of achieving a good relationship with a partner, or not able to do a certain type of job. If we choose not to attempt to breach personal boundaries such as these, we are likely to be stuck and unable to grow.

 

Do you keep to your boundaries or do you occasionally breach them?

 

What category of boundaries do you breach re: above?

 

What consequences have occurred?

Related Articles:

Marty

Do you like what I have written here? You can get my free ebook with 15 affirming articles simply by entering your email address below and clicking “send”. Your email address will NOT be shared with 3rd parties. Thank you for reading

 

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Do your eyes get really tired from reading as mine do?

 

Do you have trouble proof reading your own articles and get frustrated when you have missed a grammatical error in your content?

I’ve found a great way to overcome this. It is simple and very time saving. I recommend using text reading software. I’ve tested a product called Natural Reader. The voice produced on it is very easy on the ear. It is also very inexpensive. It saves so much time and effort stops that temptation to skip content, especially when reading an instructional article. You can just close you eyes and listen if you wish. Here is the link.
Natural Reader.

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Verbal Conflict: How to Notice the Message

Oct 1st, 2011 Leave a comment

pretty bubbles in the air
photo credit: jorge gonz@lez

It has been well said that it is hard to please all the people all of the time. Whatever any of us say to each other in our attempts to communicate, there is always a reason or a message we are attempting transmit. The frustration comes when we sometimes feel we are not being listened to.

 

I’ve been reading and watching an interesting article from Rintu Basu this morning where he demonstrates the the relationship between attitude and behaviour when communicating. It’s worth a look and a recommend that you take a look at it and see if you understand and “get” the message. It is likely that you will have varying degrees of opinion about the article. Some will agree and some disagree. Some may even dislike the way it is presented. The point is actually the message he is transmitting. This brings me to the main content of my own message today and it’s something I’ve been planning to write for a few days now.

 

It was only a few weeks ago that someone was attempting give me some useful advice. The result was an uncomfortable experience for me. To be honest, I was pretty angry about the in-appropriate circumstances and method used to transmit that message. I knew I needed to deal with this issue and I also knew that meant stepping out of my comfort zone into potential verbal conflict, something that I have traditionally found pretty challenging. The issue here is the motivation behind what I was told, which was intended to help me. I could have accepted it or rejected it. I chose to accept it despite being angry about the delivery. The delivery was in fact a separate issue which I successfully dealt with assertively.

 

I’d like you to consider the following analogy.

 

If you mail order something, lets say a new computer, it arrive packaged. You’ll likely see a cardboard box and a delivery docket detailing what is inside. They’ll be polystyrene inside and plastic bags containing components. You’ll likely need to assemble parts of the computer to set it up. The important part about this is that you will most likely dispose of of the packaging .

 

When somebody is speaking to you to transmit a message and you find the person or style of delivery is not to your liking, you can choose to listen to the message effectively. The “packaging” (i.e. the person delivering the message, the circumstances and timing) you can choose to dispose of. This is what I did in the circumstances I have described above. In fact, I used a similar analogy when assertively explaining to that person how the way the message (help) was in-appropriately delivered. I made it clear that I heard and understood the message and it’s motive and chose to dispose of the packaging. This created a win-win situation. The verbal transaction included useful feedback on both sides.

 

How do you respond to communication that causes conflict?

 

Do you automatically reject what is said to you if you have a problem with the person delivering the message?

 

As usual, I’d be interested in your comments.

 

See below a classic example of how an attempted message did not get transmitted as intended, the resulting fallout and impact that had on a former political leader in the UK.

Related Articles:

Marty

Do you like what I have written here? You can get my free ebook with 15 affirming articles simply by entering your email address below and clicking “send”. Your email address will NOT be shared with 3rd parties. Thank you for reading

 

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Do your eyes get really tired from reading as mine do?

 

Do you have trouble proof reading your own articles and get frustrated when you have missed a grammatical error in your content?

I’ve found a great way to overcome this. It is simple and very time saving. I recommend using text reading software. I’ve tested a product called Natural Reader. The voice produced on it is very easy on the ear. It is also very inexpensive. It saves so much time and effort stops that temptation to skip content, especially when reading an instructional article. You can just close you eyes and listen if you wish. Here is the link.
Natural Reader.

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How to Make Use of The Small Print

Sep 12th, 2011 Leave a comment

car window 3
photo credit: jaded one

Lets face it, how many of us have the time, inclination and patience to read the small print in terms and conditions of a contract. I guess there are some out there that hyper vigilantly go through wording with a fine tooth comb and others that give a swift glance over main title points to see if there is anything glaringly obvious for concern.

The truth is that for the vast majority of the time, there is never a problem that occurs. Whether we choose to read terms and conditions or not on a contract is not the issue. The REAL power is what we do when a problem occurs and how we can use those terms and conditions to our advantage when we need to. This very situation happened to me in the last month.

 

Unfortunately, somebody broke into and attempted to steal my car last month whilst I was away for a few days. I only got the car back today after it being in the garage for about a month getting repairs done via my insurance company. A problem occurred when the insurance company and the garage mis-communicated,  resulting in the garage attempting to charge me for storage. I made a complaint (or to use less threatening language, I raised a query). The first reply I received resulted in the insurance company attempting to deny responsibility for the problem quoting terms and conditions of my contract. The person dealing with the problem clearly did not read and interpret the conditions correctly, so I challenged. Today, I successfully managed to get the storage charges waived.

 

There are clear lessons in negotiating settlements of this nature: -

 

  • Deal in facts and avoid using emotion, especially anger.
  • Don’t be personal. ie Don’t state “you didn’t”, Mention the company/business when detailing the error made.
  • Look for the the company’s values and use them positively by stating them and expressing confidence that you have faith that the complaint/query will be dealt with satisfactorily.
  • Politely and directly point out where specific errors have been made and back up your argument with evidence as well as pointing out where this conflicts with terms and conditions of contract.
  • State that you are disappointed with the service up to that point and ensure that you make clear what you want in order to achieve a satisfactory conclusion.
  • Ensure that you have followed the policy of the company with regard to complaints. If you don’t get a satisfactory answer, look for the next stage/protocol to complain.
  • Be direct and as polite as possible.
  • Point out where you agree with points made then separate that which you do not.

Using the right sort of language is a powerful tool to ensure that you get justice where it is deserved.

 

How have you handled making complaints?

Related Articles:

Marty

Do you like what I have written here? You can get my free ebook with 15 affirming articles simply by entering your email address below and clicking “send”. Your email address will NOT be shared with 3rd parties. Thank you for reading

 

Email:
 

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Do your eyes get really tired from reading as mine do?

 

Do you have trouble proof reading your own articles and get frustrated when you have missed a grammatical error in your content?

I’ve found a great way to overcome this. It is simple and very time saving. I recommend using text reading software. I’ve tested a product called Natural Reader. The voice produced on it is very easy on the ear. It is also very inexpensive. It saves so much time and effort stops that temptation to skip content, especially when reading an instructional article. You can just close you eyes and listen if you wish. Here is the link.
Natural Reader.

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