Jokes & Puns To Groan At: a List of My Own
photo credit: shutterbugchik
Laughter is good for us. Smiling faces can lighten up our day. I wrote about that here.
Even if someone doesn’t laugh at a joke I’ve heard or I tell, I always do. Laughter can be contagious. Even if someone doesn’t laugh, I find that funny in itself!
Let’s face it, there is a lot of doom and gloom around the world at the moment. I’m avoiding most of the news on TV for that reason.
I have a bit of a reputation for cracking jokes amongst my friends and at work. It’s not always a good idea depending upon the general mood and how much stress people may be under.
The point about jokes that make you groan is that they are funny because they are not funny, in a paradoxical kind of way. I just think it is funny to see people take a dim view of silly jokes. Anyone that takes in TV news programmes knows that puns are used all the time. They are also headline catchers on tabloid newspapers.One of my favourite TV programmes is “Have I got News for You.” It is always full of topical humour and political satire.
This temptation to continually engage in quick wit is something I do frequently and maybe, at times, too often. I got in the habit of seeking witty retorts from an old friend who also does it most of the time. Frankly, it’s a form of attention seeking really.
Here are a few I use fairly frequently
1. If I ran a timber merchant empire, I’d use the following advertising line: “Marty’s timber merchants. All the best branches!”
2. There is a shop that opened about a year or so ago in my village. In the current economic climate, many shops and businesses have closed. It’s good to see a long term empty shop open up. It is a cobbler business (shoe repairers). They missed a trick. Their tag line could have been “Putting the sole back into Birchington”
3. My youngest daughter has been complaining that her mobile/cell phone needs topping up. As a demanding teenager, she demands from me “Give me some credit, give me some credit!” I reply “You are such a wonderful daughter and I love you lots. How’s that for some credit?”
4. In a similar way, any that asks me for a ride home in my car “Can you give me a lift?” My answer is “I think you’re great!” I do, of course give them a lift if I’m able to.
5. Many years ago (one of my many, many jobs) I worked for a… well lets call it a telecoms enterprise of sorts that provided a service diverting telephone calls and forwarding fax messages to save business and individuals money. I have to say I subsequently found out it was dodgy. It didn’t last long! The department manager and I didn’t always see eye to eye. I was a bit cheeky in those days. He once said to me after one of my ill thought out quips “Martin, are you being facetious again?” I looked him straight in the eye, and with a cheeky smirk, I retorted “Facetiousness is my forte!”
6. I was going to start a group for apathetic people but simply couldn’t be bothered!
7. I once applied to join a lonely hearts club but they wrote back and said “Sorry, we’re not THAT lonely!”
8. I had a young client from the hostel I used to work at who would tell this joke every day and fall about laughing. “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got a cricket ball stuck up my arse.” Doctor: “How’s that?” DON’T YOU START!
That’s it. I won’t torture you any more! I hope I brought a smile to your face this Sunday.
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