The Effects of Transference and How To Use It
photo credit: potatoehead64
I was chatting with Chris from the band the other day. He stated how he and others had recognised how I’ve developed my own look and style. Something that is noticeable. I’m really aware of this. People do seem to notice and remember me more these days. I’ve developed a kind of flamboyant style of dress that I’m really comfortable and confident with. A little bit of that relates to not taking myself too seriously.
- A Trilby hat with red, white and blue feathers and I partly smoked cigar!
- My growing beard dyed blond.
- Fake, cheap “Rayband” sunglasses that I call “Fakebands”.
- A selection of cheap scarves bought from the market.
- T-shirt and black jeans (always black jeans!)… erm apart from the photo above!
- Very uncomfortable fake crocodile shoes brought from a charity shop just for the crack, worn for some gigs just for effect.
What is transference?
Growing up, my mother always stated that she did not like show offs. I really took this to heart and lived most of my life as a bit of a shrinking violet. I chose to conform and hide in the crowd for much of the time, none the least due to physical bullying from my peers and some emotional bullying from a particular school teacher.
All of the above I have dealt with in a big way in the past couple of years. I recognise that my mother had a big influence on me. Most people experience disappointment in their lives. I believe to some extent that my mother transferred some of her disappointment on to me. I don’t blame her for it. I loved her dearly. She was a good, kind caring and loving mother, as good as anyone could expect, but to a large extent and absolutely of my responsibility I believe I subconsciously “wore” her disappointment. These things happen through generations. The difference these days is that we have the benefit emotional learning in a far more useful way.
I don’t consider myself bigheaded or arrogant and I try hard to avoid that path fraught with danger. I do recognise that success requires a degree of confidence. This confidence then transfers to an audience in whatever environment that may be.
- Musical & Theatre performance.
- Public speaking.
Success is borne out of trust. Trust is created in the transaction that needs to be clear and confident. If there is a lack of confidence, then doubt and anxiety is created that snowballs in the same way that confidence and trust does.
So what is arrogance?
I wonder if this too is a transaction. We may perceive some people to be arrogant.
The point is; what is going on for us?
Is there not just a tinge of jealously that we may be choosing to ignore?
Also, from the other side, is the arrogant person behaving in an inauthentic fashion in an attempt to cover up some overbearing insecurity?
Sometimes, we need to wear masks for emotional protection. Again, this comes down to transference. Being emotionally open can pose a threat to people.
So, over the past year or so, I’ve found a big movement in my life. I’ve discovered a confidence in myself that was always there (as I believe it is in everyone). Here’s the most important statement:-
THIS IS TRUE AND AUTHENTIC FREEDOM!
I want to share this with people so they can have it too, or should I say, help people to become aware of the truth that confidence and self esteem comes from within. Sharing this with people I think can be making use of a kind of transference that has a positive outcome. It can lead to freedom of dependence.
It also needs close attention and nurture so as not to get carried away. I firmly believe in continued self development. Speaking of self development, part of the journey I have been on this year has been the result of some excellent assistance I have received from Steven Aitchison of Change Your Thoughts and Mind Alchemy. For those of you that are fans of cartoon characters (I’m a big fan of Family Guy), Steven has introduced his very own character “George”.
Steven Aitchison has helped me enormously this year with advice on developing the blog you are reading right now. He is a trusting and authentic guy with a passion for helping people. The course Steven is called Mind Alchemy. I recommend you take a look. Click here.
Have you experienced transference in your life?
How has it affected you?
How do you increase you awareness of it?
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