It has been well said that it is hard to please all the people all of the time. Whatever any of us say to each other in our attempts to communicate, there is always a reason or a message we are attempting transmit. The frustration comes when we sometimes feel we are not being listened to.
I’ve been reading and watching an interesting article from Rintu Basu this morning where he demonstrates the the relationship between attitude and behaviour when communicating. It’s worth a look and a recommend that you take a look at it and see if you understand and “get” the message. It is likely that you will have varying degrees of opinion about the article. Some will agree and some disagree. Some may even dislike the way it is presented. The point is actually the message he is transmitting. This brings me to the main content of my own message today and it’s something I’ve been planning to write for a few days now.
It was only a few weeks ago that someone was attempting give me some useful advice. The result was an uncomfortable experience for me. To be honest, I was pretty angry about the in-appropriate circumstances and method used to transmit that message. I knew I needed to deal with this issue and I also knew that meant stepping out of my comfort zone into potential verbal conflict, something that I have traditionally found pretty challenging. The issue here is the motivation behind what I was told, which was intended to help me. I could have accepted it or rejected it. I chose to accept it despite being angry about the delivery. The delivery was in fact a separate issue which I successfully dealt with assertively.
I’d like you to consider the following analogy.
If you mail order something, lets say a new computer, it arrive packaged. You’ll likely see a cardboard box and a delivery docket detailing what is inside. They’ll be polystyrene inside and plastic bags containing components. You’ll likely need to assemble parts of the computer to set it up. The important part about this is that you will most likely dispose of of the packaging .
When somebody is speaking to you to transmit a message and you find the person or style of delivery is not to your liking, you can choose to listen to the message effectively. The “packaging” (i.e. the person delivering the message, the circumstances and timing) you can choose to dispose of. This is what I did in the circumstances I have described above. In fact, I used a similar analogy when assertively explaining to that person how the way the message (help) was in-appropriately delivered. I made it clear that I heard and understood the message and it’s motive and chose to dispose of the packaging. This created a win-win situation. The verbal transaction included useful feedback on both sides.
How do you respond to communication that causes conflict?
Do you automatically reject what is said to you if you have a problem with the person delivering the message?
As usual, I’d be interested in your comments.
See below a classic example of how an attempted message did not get transmitted as intended, the resulting fallout and impact that had on a former political leader in the UK.
Do you like what I have written here? You can get my free ebook with 15 affirming articles simply by entering your email address below and clicking “send”. Your email address will NOT be shared with 3rd parties. Thank you for reading
Do your eyes get really tired from reading as mine do?
Do you have trouble proof reading your own articles and get frustrated when you have missed a grammatical error in your content?
I’ve found a great way to overcome this. It is simple and very time saving. I recommend using text reading software. I’ve tested a product called Natural Reader. The voice produced on it is very easy on the ear. It is also very inexpensive. It saves so much time and effort stops that temptation to skip content, especially when reading an instructional article. You can just close you eyes and listen if you wish. Here is the link. Natural Reader.
Today I have a treat for you. I’ve created a video blog. If you have been reading my articles regularly, you’ll have picked up how passionate I am ABOUT YOU! There is an opportunity to get some of this first hand.
I’M PREGNANT!
This occurred due to a fling I had at the end of last year. December to be specific. It is now a few months on and I can see the difference in the expansion around me.
I have been fortunate enough not to get morning sickness, however I have developed some interesting cravings that at some points has caused me to stay up late and rise early. One night I got out of bed only half an hour after retiring to it.
I’m heavy and can’t move around as well as I once did. There are a few aches and pains at times. I have to say that I am pretty scared about the excitement of the future.
The midwife has been round and put me straight on a few things. I have a lot to do in preparation for this up coming birth. I know there is a period of time involved, but will it be earlier or later than expected?
I sense people are noticing me more than before. There is a politeness and some space. Helping hands. It is a fragile time. I sense I have become the topic on conversation.
I’m scared. OH BOY I’M SCARED! What will happen? Will it all go to plan?
The birth I am referring to is of course my part time life coaching business!
Do you like what I have written here? You can get my free ebook with 15 affirming articles simply by entering your email address below and clicking “send”. Your email address will NOT be shared with 3rd parties. Thank you for reading
Do your eyes get really tired from reading as mine do?
Do you have trouble proof reading your own articles and get frustrated when you have missed a grammatical error in your content?
I’ve found a great way to overcome this. It is simple and very time saving. I recommend using text reading software. I’ve tested a product called Natural Reader. The voice produced on it is very easy on the ear. It is also very inexpensive. It saves so much time and effort stops that temptation to skip content, especially when reading an instructional article. You can just close you eyes and listen if you wish. Here is the link. Natural Reader.
There are those days when we are running away with excitement about whatever it is that we want to achieve.
When I started my current job role last year I hit the ground running. Within a few days I’d made positive contact with a fair few organisations and trusted in the process when writing introductory emails detailing my proposals, backed up by upbeat and honest reference to how the work I was proposing had worked successfully in the past.
Getting positive responses feeds energy and motivation. This works well, however the momentum doesn’t last forever. Thinking about this recently it reminded me of running cross country when I was a school boy.
On the word “Go” most of the lads would sprint off whilst in full view of teachers and onlookers, striving to be in the lead, anxiously looking round to see who might catch them. It wasn’t long before they would get out of breath, slow down and stop to walk. I used to start at a jogging pace and try to get a rhythm going. I hated stopping to walk because I found it hard to get going again.
Comparing this with trying to get through life with some sort of success, there are a few pointers here.
Sprinting off ahead at the beginning is fine to do provided we can anticipate a period when we will slow down to catch our breath or even stop for a brief period.
Take the simplest path. There’s no use running through quagmire of mud when there is a less energy sapping path by the side. Stay focussed.
Keep moving forward. You can catch your breath without stopping completely even at a slow walking pace.
Don’t give too much focus to how others are getting on. Be aware of them and perhaps use them as pace makers, but don’t waste too much energy by trying to emulate. You are likely at a different stage in your journey. You can catch them later.
Don’t give up. You’ll just be left out in the wilderness.
Find a pace and rhythm that has everything synchronised.
Finally, it doesn’t really matter if you are not first to get to the destination, just so long as you get there eventually. The joy is in the achievement.
I’ve been writing articles on a regular basis, pretty much every day now for almost 4 months. Part of what keeps me going comes down to connecting with people by giving and receiving feedback. Many people write about all the widgets and strategies we can use to help get more exposure. I use some of those. My experience is that the widgets alone won’t make all the difference. Here is what works best for me.
Writing consistently every day.
Not putting myself under undue pressure to create tip top content, just writing to a standard that I am happy with and considering that everything I write is work in progress.
Searching for inspiration, advice and networking with other writers. That means granting feedback and acknowledging others. The gift of connecting and having understanding, empathy etc.
Acknowledging feedback that I receive and expressing thanks for it. Any feedback and affirmation of a gift to treasure.
Remaining upbeat whilst not pretending that everything is great all the time. Sometimes we come across unexpected knock backs. I’ve written about loss in the past. It has it’s place and reflects reality.
I’ve been practising with some tips and widgets that others use. Whether they really work or not I confess I’m not entirely sure. Some are obvious, such as using other social media such as Facebook. That shows up in my stats. Here are others that I use more out of fun than anything else.
Advanced Marketing Institute Headline Analyser. This gives feedback and percentage score on trying out headlines. It’s interesting to play around with phrases for a headline.
Google adwords. This is useful for key words and tags. I don’t always use it, but again, it is fun to play around with.
Oh. That’s it. There were only 2!
If anyone has any other fun things they use to try to get more exposure, please let me know.
Do you like what I have written here? You can get my free ebook with 15 affirming articles simply by entering your email address below and clicking “send”. Your email address will NOT be shared with 3rd parties. Thank you for reading
Do your eyes get really tired from reading as mine do?
Do you have trouble proof reading your own articles and get frustrated when you have missed a grammatical error in your content?
I’ve found a great way to overcome this. It is simple and very time saving. I recommend using text reading software. I’ve tested a product called Natural Reader. The voice produced on it is very easy on the ear. It is also very inexpensive. It saves so much time and effort stops that temptation to skip content, especially when reading an instructional article. You can just close you eyes and listen if you wish. Here is the link. Natural Reader.
Driving to and from work each day, I like a little space. This is especially the case when the traffic is heavy. I like to keep my distance and be able to see possible hold ups ahead. I don’t like to being hemmed in. Very frequently, I witness people “tailgate” me, even when I’m right on the speed limit. Sometimes they impatiently flash their lights try to get me to pull over for them to pass. Other times they illegally undertake me. These road users only get one car space ahead gaining less that 1 second in time.
This sort of aggressive driving, in my honest opinion not only causes accidents, it also adds to traffic hold ups and jams. It is a well know fact that one person breaking heavily at 70mph on a busy motorway can cause traffic to slow and stop in a concertina fashion further back. All caused due to driving too close and impatiently.
I got to thinking there is an analogy here for seeking self development.
1. Are you trying so hard to get ahead that you are crowding the person just in front of you, thereby irritating them?
2. Are you “undertaking” (cheating) and risking a crash?
3. Are you creating traffic jams by moving forward erratically, moving from lane to lane, getting nowhere fast, getting stressed and causing unnecessary hold ups instead of just moving with the flow until there is enough space?
There is a sign on a traffic information board in a fuel station on my route home that says “You are not stuck in traffic, you ARE traffic”
Do you like what I have written here? You can get my free ebook with 15 affirming articles simply by entering your email address below and clicking “send”. Your email address will NOT be shared with 3rd parties. Thank you for reading
Do your eyes get really tired from reading as mine do?
Do you have trouble proof reading your own articles and get frustrated when you have missed a grammatical error in your content?
I’ve found a great way to overcome this. It is simple and very time saving. I recommend using text reading software. I’ve tested a product called Natural Reader. The voice produced on it is very easy on the ear. It is also very inexpensive. It saves so much time and effort stops that temptation to skip content, especially when reading an instructional article. You can just close you eyes and listen if you wish. Here is the link. Natural Reader.
I’m going to write something fairly short tonight due to having a bit of a band rehearsal/jamming session with some of the guys from the band tonight. We have a saxophone player who has just joined us and he is an awesome player. Just spend some time getting some stuff together.
I think about how we go through life seeking solutions. In the workplace, targets get set in most places. I guess it’s a bit of a modern phenomenon these days. These targets are often set for us. I’m many places I’ve worked in the past I’ve seen targets set that are pretty unrealistic, however that does not take away to desire for people seeking to achieve them by whatever means. Occasionally, when it looks a bit too hard to hit that high set target, there is a temptation to cheat just a little and find some justification in it.
This is what I call short term gain = long term loss.
If could be classed as forcing some kind of result that in truth does not fit. It just looks like it does.
To confirm the analogy with this post title, I’d say its a bit like fitting in a number in the game Sudoku that adds up across and down, but does not fit diagonally. Therefore it is wrong. The puzzle cannot be completed despite some apparent progress with it.
I’ll leave that with you to ponder upon and would like to hear your thoughts about it.
Take care folks and be blessed!
Marty
Do you like what I have written here? You can get my free ebook with 15 affirming articles simply by entering your email address below and clicking “send”. Your email address will NOT be shared with 3rd parties. Thank you for reading
Do your eyes get really tired from reading as mine do?
Do you have trouble proof reading your own articles and get frustrated when you have missed a grammatical error in your content?
I’ve found a great way to overcome this. It is simple and very time saving. I recommend using text reading software. I’ve tested a product called Natural Reader. The voice produced on it is very easy on the ear. It is also very inexpensive. It saves so much time and effort stops that temptation to skip content, especially when reading an instructional article. You can just close you eyes and listen if you wish. Here is the link. Natural Reader.
