Realizing and choosing to help others was something I became distinctly aware of about 10 years ago as detailed in this former blog entry THE DAY THAT CHANGED MY LIFE
There has been a long process since then that has included some steep and painful learning curves. I’ve met many people since that have also had a similar calling and desire to help others. I’m presupposing that the fact you are reading this, it may be that you also desire a similar path.
It is acutely acutely important that as you read on that you adopt an awareness of the pitfalls.
Ask yourself the following questions with absolute honesty.
What is your motivation for helping?You might realize that your helping is simply a way of avoiding feelings of guilt by way of projection. Be sure to work on your own issues as a priority to ensure they do not contaminate your intention. Beware of becoming co-dependent.
Be prepared to be let down. The realization that being let down is a cast iron guarantee will enable you to manage this challenge. You WILL let others down for all sorts of reasons in the same way you have already been let down. Don’t get me wrong. Its not intentional. Human being are mortal, meaning we are all going to die one day. In a lesser sense, we all move on by moving home, changing job, discover new priorities to name a few.
Are you fit enough to help others? The most effective way to help is to be physically and psychologically fit to do so. Counselors, Psychotherapists and all manner of other support workers benefit from what is known as clinical supervision. It should be a prerequisite that you receive this support. If you don’t get that support, you are in danger of inadvertent malpractice.
I summarize this with a metaphor. It’s no good being a life guard if you can’s swim!
Furthermore, this is illustrated by a clip from the film “The Crying Game” where a hostage tells the story of The Scorpion and The Frog. See clip below.
Do you like what I have written here? You can get my free ebook with 15 affirming articles simply by entering your email address below and clicking “send”. Your email address will NOT be shared with 3rd parties. Thank you for reading
Do your eyes get really tired from reading as mine do?
Do you have trouble proof reading your own articles and get frustrated when you have missed a grammatical error in your content?
I’ve found a great way to overcome this. It is simple and very time saving. I recommend using text reading software. I’ve tested a product called Natural Reader. The voice produced on it is very easy on the ear. It is also very inexpensive. It saves so much time and effort stops that temptation to skip content, especially when reading an instructional article. You can just close you eyes and listen if you wish. Here is the link. Natural Reader.
It was some time ago that I attended a work related training day that was titled “Choices”. At the time, I’d been given a bit of a free hand in my job, being part of a pilot project. I specifically remember speaking about how I’d managed to survive various challenges when I’d been made redundant and how I’d approached job searching.
“What works for me is getting up before 9am on weekdays and dressing as if I was going to work. I spent each day from around 9am until about 3pm going to recruitment agencies, going to the library and generally applying for jobs. If I got an interview, I’d enter the prospective employers premises adopting the attitude of a successful businessman, stating that I had an appointment with (so and so).”
The facilitator of the training course looked me directly in the eye and said:
“THAT… is NEURO ….. LINGUISTIC …. PROGRAMMING!”
Now I’d vaguely recalled hearing those words spoken before and had no idea what it meant. From that day onward I started researching all things NLP. I was already interested in some aspects of Life Coaching at that point.
The issue here is that I realized, particularly through the research, that I’d been using NLP for quite some time but had no idea what it was. Simply, I’d found an attitude that created successful results. I knew it worked, I just didn’t know how. In fact most people use elements of NLP without knowing it.
Since researching and applying the various skills of NLP in my life in the past 2 years or so, I’ve had no relapses of significant low mood. I’d describe it as a kind of emotional freedom. That means to a large extent that I feel free to embrace emotions without fear.
NLP can be described as the study and modelling of excellence.
Excellence is not a destination. It is continuous and efficient movement on a journey of improvement. To that end, I avoid the use of the work “perfection”. The temptation of perfection is to believe nothing can be created or released until it is perfect. That in itself usually results in very little progress as a result of fear of failure and criticism.
If you are intent on producing some work, be that art, music or something else that is going to be made public, when do you consider that piece of work to be satisfactory?
As a trombone player, I look to other famous and successful trombone players and study what they do by attempting to model their success. The only real measure of the success is the feedback I get by trying. I’m reasonably successful at busking, often getting some nice comments as well as the (rare) request to move on. It’s all feedback and all useful, especially the critique. The tune “I’m getting Sentimental Over You” made famous by Tommy Dorsey is a tune I decided to work on this week, learning to play it by ear in the same key as Dorsey. Having made some reasonable progress, I recorded it live today – warts and all!
Please feel free to give me some feedback. The good news is that it will get better with practice.
Do you like what I have written here? You can get my free ebook with 15 affirming articles simply by entering your email address below and clicking “send”. Your email address will NOT be shared with 3rd parties. Thank you for reading
Do your eyes get really tired from reading as mine do?
Do you have trouble proof reading your own articles and get frustrated when you have missed a grammatical error in your content?
I’ve found a great way to overcome this. It is simple and very time saving. I recommend using text reading software. I’ve tested a product called Natural Reader. The voice produced on it is very easy on the ear. It is also very inexpensive. It saves so much time and effort stops that temptation to skip content, especially when reading an instructional article. You can just close you eyes and listen if you wish. Here is the link. Natural Reader.
Smack bang in the middle of the 2012 London Olympics, I’ve been observing the reactions of the successful medal winners and their post race interviews. In many cases, these interviews are far from composed. Some competitors are virtually struck dumb with their achievement.
This is an example of the explosion of belief!
Whilst those successful competitors worked toward their goal with focus, there has likely been nagging doubts about the success. “Am I going to mess up?” , “Will I be good enough?” , “Do I deserve to achieve the goal I seek” , “Have I trained hard enough?” All these questions are pretty common and simply need to be overcome. There is a danger that doubtful self talk can hold us back, however, with the right sort of focus, there will be no holding back.
An attitude of choosing to challenge your belief about your perceived limitations, however wild and wacky they may seem reaps rewards. I know from personal experience that I have exploded many beliefs in my personal life in the last few years. As a musician and performer, I know I have achieved a few dreams. That evidence drives me forward toward breaking through the next ceiling.
What beliefs do you have about yourself that could be holding you back?
Are you prepared to challenge those beliefs?
Do you like what I have written here? You can get my free ebook with 15 affirming articles simply by entering your email address below and clicking “send”. Your email address will NOT be shared with 3rd parties. Thank you for reading
Do your eyes get really tired from reading as mine do?
Do you have trouble proof reading your own articles and get frustrated when you have missed a grammatical error in your content?
I’ve found a great way to overcome this. It is simple and very time saving. I recommend using text reading software. I’ve tested a product called Natural Reader. The voice produced on it is very easy on the ear. It is also very inexpensive. It saves so much time and effort stops that temptation to skip content, especially when reading an instructional article. You can just close you eyes and listen if you wish. Here is the link. Natural Reader.
Goal setting is a central tenet to all forms of therapy. I’ve spent the last few years dipping into all types of therapy and related work including traditional Counselling & Psychotherapy, Occupational Therapy, Support Work/Key Working, Life Coaching and much more specifically in the very recent weeks, Neuro Linguistic Programming.
You’ll recognise and realize the powerful benefits of all the above if you have been involved in some or all of it. If you haven’t, then I guess much of it is new to you or you’ve not yet had a eureka moment. Believe me, that is not a problem in itself because I know there is much of it that I haven’t “got” yet. The good new is that everything I don’t yet know is providing me with energy and motivation to discover it!
In all honesty, my motivation and enthusiasm does wax and wane at time. I find myself sometimes asking why that happens. What I’ve learned as a result is this key element: -
The difference between goals/outcomes that are “away from” compared to those that are “toward”.There is plenty of material written on this subject, particularly with regard to the way the subconscious mind works. i.e. the subconscious mind does not hear the word “don’t.” The popular example demonstrated by “Don’t think of a blue tree”. Sure as eggs are eggs, this immediately presents an image of a blue tree!
So, in setting goals, making them toward what we desire rather than away from what we are trying to leave behind makes them far more effective. Here is how I’m attempting to share this with you: -
If you think of a catapult or slingshot… the sort that I’m sure you’ll remember as a child, the projectile gets its energy from the elasticity. Now consider the Y shaped handle as the subject of your goal……..
An “away from” goal would be making the subject of the goal as the handle. This means that all energy is exerted in moving ourselves (as the projectile) away from…… For instance, if your goal states “I want to get myself our of debt.” Debt is the subject. All energy is focusing upon debt. Eventually, energy in pulling away from it will run out, leaving the elasticity pulling us toward debt.
Now, if the goal is toward and essentially specific. “I’m going to make £100,000 personal income in the next 12 months.” The the subject is wealth (specifically £100,000 in this example) or whatever figure you choose to put on it. The energy is spent in action preparing for the eventuality and the elasticity (when let go) pulls us toward and beyond the goal!
You’ll notice that I used both words “goals” and “outcomes”. A goal i something that we aim to attain, whereas an outcome suggests that the attainment is inevitable.So, I’m positively suggesting to you to choose powerful language,
How do you set your outcomes?
What holds you back?
What do you focus on?
For me personally, I know that I still make the mistake as detailed above from time to time. As a musician, I’ve experienced the goal as a toward in that I’ve overshot what I intended a few years ago by making the right decisions. I just need to apply that to other aspects of my life.
Of course, there are many elements to successfully setting outcomes. Here’s a very funny clip from a comedy show that demonstrates how easy it is to get it all wrong!
Do you like what I have written here? You can get my free ebook with 15 affirming articles simply by entering your email address below and clicking “send”. Your email address will NOT be shared with 3rd parties. Thank you for reading
Do your eyes get really tired from reading as mine do?
Do you have trouble proof reading your own articles and get frustrated when you have missed a grammatical error in your content?
I’ve found a great way to overcome this. It is simple and very time saving. I recommend using text reading software. I’ve tested a product called Natural Reader. The voice produced on it is very easy on the ear. It is also very inexpensive. It saves so much time and effort stops that temptation to skip content, especially when reading an instructional article. You can just close you eyes and listen if you wish. Here is the link. Natural Reader.
It’s a loaded question isn’t it. I’m certain that the majority of people reading this already have a pre-conception of the content of this blog, simply because of the common use of the language and what it often refers to. The message I’m sharing with you today is important and you’ll notice how it will stimulate your intellect on the subject by the time you have finished reading, but before I start to move into the main content, I’m going to make you aware of some key points:
The word “belief” stimulates a lot of emotion, so it is likely that your emotional reaction is going to be more prominent than a logical reaction.
When it comes to looking at what we believe, we tend to be pretty rigid about our stance. This is because it connects with our values based on our unique life experience. This also has an effect upon our confidence and self esteem.
I’m suggesting that a challenge to what we believe (or don’t believe) puts us outside our comfort zone. Being outside our comfort zone brings on anxiety and a level of fear.
The point of this article today is not to change your belief about anything. The fact is that you have a choice in belief and you also have a choice to change that belief if you so wish. The issue is less about belief and more about doubt. The more we doubt something, the more likely it will affect our behaviour.
For instance, when I go to use my car, I have pretty firm faith that it will do what I expect it to do i.e. that it will start and transport me to wherever I need to get to without breaking down. If a car breaks down frequently, despite adjustments and repairs, a person will have less faith in it. The resulting behaviour will be to get rid of the faulty car and buy a new one. Many of us will keep to a certain brand of car as a result of experience that the make is reliable. The point here is less about the actual make of the car and more to do with the people that constructed it. The fact is that many different makes of car actually use the same components. In some cases, cars of different makes are identical apart from the badge. It is interesting that the cost can be very different too. People will pay more for one marque over another based upon what they subconsciously believe with regard to reliability. Some of that is also based on what a person believes other will perceive them to be (personality wise) as projected by the car they drive.
I’ll wager that most of you thought this article would be about religion, simply because of the use of the word “belief”. I could of course use religion as a point of discussion, however, to do so will send the resulting debate in a completely different direction. Emotions will become strong and it is also very likely that quarrels will result. It would not surprise me if there may even be a trading of insults as one persons opinion is expressed with passion and another disagrees. People will stand their ground and will not be moved in their opinion. A typical example of this has occurred on the news in the UK today where the Prime Minister David Cameron made reference to the UK being a Christian country with Christian values (or at least something along those lines). What he said certainly got attention (which I’m sure he intended) but I suspect his point had more to do with referring to the decline in values as demonstrated by the riots that occurred in many cities earlier this year. Now…. I’ve really set light to the blue touch paper by throwing politics in with religion.
The message here is not about religion or politics. It is about what we believe about the world around us based on our own unique experience. Now, to really throw the cat amongst the pigeons, I’m going to make a brief reference to science, for which the general opinion is that we can only accept truths based upon evidence. I’ll state that evidence is often a matter of perception. For instance, two people can witness the same event, but see it from a different perspective. Different people will notice different aspects of the event and may even disagree upon what happened. Regardless of opinion, it cannot change what actually happened.
Actually, the message here is not even about science in that manner. It is about how our beliefs drive our behaviours. If our beliefs remain rigid, it is likely that our life experience in the future will remain rigid. Essentially, life will become boring and predictable and that how we can get stuck.
Here is the actual message from me today.
Putting aside the diversionary subjects of politics, religion and science, be prepared to challenge what you believe about the world around you. Be prepared to be challenged what you believe about yourself. Be prepared to be open minded in order to successfully alter your behaviours in a positive manner.
The truth is that you have already done that in your life to date, so allowing that to happen more so will increase the motivation of a good and successful life.
Do you like what I have written here? You can get my free ebook with 15 affirming articles simply by entering your email address below and clicking “send”. Your email address will NOT be shared with 3rd parties. Thank you for reading
Do your eyes get really tired from reading as mine do?
Do you have trouble proof reading your own articles and get frustrated when you have missed a grammatical error in your content?
I’ve found a great way to overcome this. It is simple and very time saving. I recommend using text reading software. I’ve tested a product called Natural Reader. The voice produced on it is very easy on the ear. It is also very inexpensive. It saves so much time and effort stops that temptation to skip content, especially when reading an instructional article. You can just close you eyes and listen if you wish. Here is the link. Natural Reader.
